You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
