HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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