I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You dont lie about slip and slides
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
