too bad you live with your parents still
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
