yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
