4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
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i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
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Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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