I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
