I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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