Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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