I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
