i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I need to wash the frat house off of me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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