so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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