i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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