Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
