No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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