You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
