Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
