This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
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The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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