Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
