I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
