I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
