I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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