Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
