There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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