yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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