these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
