dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
