NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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