dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
