He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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