This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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