need another drink. this is the easiest way
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She's the barista slut.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
In other news, I just burned my penis
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
