fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize