That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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