I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i think i have two assholes
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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