so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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