Define "chronic" masturbator.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
