The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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