Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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