Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
