Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
