My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I stole a fireplace last night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
