i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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