The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
