Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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