Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Randomize
