and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
