You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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