He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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