This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
His hands were made for my vagina.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
