so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
