I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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