I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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