Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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