Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
