We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
