I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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