toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
