i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
