do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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